What is a Soulmate (and Why Most People Get it Wrong)

what is a soulmate

If you’re like most people, you either long to meet your soulmate or you suspect that you’ve already met him or her. Maybe you think your soulmate is in your life right now but you aren’t sure. You just want a way to verify that you’re right. You want validation that this relationship is truly a soulmate connection so you know if it’s worth the trouble.

I get it. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably seen movies and books pushing the notion that soulmates are the key to our happiness for most of your life. But here’s the deal. Many of those movies and books are dead wrong about what a soulmate truly is. Before you can determine whether a soulmate is in your life, you need to understand what a soulmate is.

Read on for a breakdown on what a soulmate is, and a few tools you can use to attract soulmates into your life.

What a soulmate is not 

First let’s examine what you probably think a soulmate is. Here are some common beliefs that people have about soulmates:
-A soulmate is your true love.
-Your one and only soulmate is the person you’re meant to be with for the rest of your life.
-A soulmate is the most intense type of romantic relationship you’ll ever have.
-Soulmate relationships have lots of ups and downs.

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What do all of those beliefs have in common? They assume that our soulmates are meant to be our romantic partners, and that can’t be further from the truth. Now some soulmates are romantic partners, but soulmates can show up in plenty of other shapes and sizes.

Definition of soulmate

So let’s go back to our original question: What is a soulmate? A soulmate is indeed someone that we share a special connection with. In order to understand the concept of soulmates, it helps to understand the concept of soul groups.

First off, let me just say that if you don’t believe in reincarnation, you’re probably going to have a hard time buying into the idea of soul groups. So you may just want to stop reading this article right now. However, if you believe in past lives, then this may be a concept that you can get with.

One of the premises behind the idea of past lives is that we go through a series of lessons and evolve. In each lifetime, there are insights that we choose to learn.

A soul group is a group of souls who we’re connected to on a spiritual level.

The souls in our soul group help us to evolve by interacting with us during various lifetimes. In other words, they help us to learn our lessons! Soulmates are the souls that are in our soul group. (If you want to learn more about the concept of soul groups, I highly recommend Michael Newton’s Book Journey of Souls. Newton is a regression therapist who helps people remember their past lives and the periods of time that took place between lives. In the book, he shares his clients’ stories about discovering that people in their lives are part of their soul groups.)

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Since we’re all so connected, we typically play a role in the lives of our soulmates and vice-versa in life after life. So when we run into a soulmate, we may instinctively feel like we know them (because on a soul level we do). Intuitively we recognized their energy because we knew them in previous lifetimes. One of the most common ways we recognize soulmates is through their eyes because the eyes are believed to remain the same in lifetime after lifetime.

The biggest myth about soulmates

So here’s where people tend to get the idea of soulmates wrong. Most people believe that they have only one soulmate. It’s like they spend their life searching for this one person and if they part ways, that’s it. Their soulmate is gone forever.

How depressing an idea that is. Luckily it’s not true. Since soulmates are the souls from our soul groups, we have many soulmates. We can literally have multiple soulmates in our lives at one time (and we probably do).

As I said earlier, another common misunderstanding people have about soulmates is that our soulmates are romantic relationships. In reality, a soulmate can be a lover, but it can also be a sibling, a friend, a parent, a child, and even a co-worker.

And here’s another interesting thing. The same soulmate who is a lover in this life might have been your best friend or a sibling in another life. Our soulmates play different roles in each lifetime. So the idea that your soulmate is a romantic partner who was also a romantic partner in all of your past lives is probably not true.

Soulmates compared to other types of relationships

Soulmates are unique types of relationships. To get a better understanding of them, here’s how soulmate relatiosnhips compare to some other types of unique relationships.

Soulmates vs twin flames.

You know that idea that many people have about soulmates being the most intense type of romantic relationship? That’s actually a better description for a twin flame relationship.

What is a twin flame relationship?

A twin flame is more than just a soulmate. A twin flame literally shares the same energetic blueprint as you. In a sense, your twin flame is the other half of your soul, which has incarnated separately from you in order to work on different goals and challenges.

By separating, twin flames can evolve faster though the intention remains to eventually unite again. No, this doesn’t mean that you are walking around as half a person. Rather, both flames are whole and when they eventually unite, they will evolve even further. Not only does the twin flame connection benefit one another, but when twin flames reunite, they work to raise the vibration of the world.

Twin flame relationships are typically more intense than soulmate relationships. Twin flames tend to mirror each other’s wounds, so they can both see what they need to heal. The side effect of that is that twin flame relationships tend to be very painful. They also often have a lot of ups and downs. Another common quality is that they often are on-again, off-again relationships where one of the partners may frequently come in and out of the others’ life.

Soulmates vs kindred spirits

Kindred spirits are those that we connect to on a personality level rather than soul level. Here are some common qualities of kindred spirits:

You have similar interests.
Your personalities complement each other.
You are supportive of one another. You are there for them and you know they’ve got your back.
They are pleasant to be around. You feel safe and able to be your authentic self around kindred spirits.
A kindred spirit could be a best friend, the colleague you’re closest to or the person you share a hobby with who truly gets you.

These relationships don’t tend to be so tumultous; in fact, kindred spirits are often good people to marry and build a life together.

Characteristics of soulmate relationships

So how can you tell if you’re in a soulmate relationship or not? Here are some characteristics. If these sound familar to you, you may be interacting with a soulmate.

  • You had an instant like or dislike for the person. Immediately you had a strong feeling about the person that didn’t make sense logically. You may have known that you could trust them (or not) though there was no evidence (yet) to back up your instincts.
  • When you met the person you felt like you’ve known them forever.
  • The person has caused you to change in some manner. Maybe your views have expanded or you’ve dealt with a wound or trauma that needed to be dealt with as a result of your relationship with this person.
  • You’ve gone through a major life challenge or difficulty together. You came together at a time in your lives to share a particular life lesson that helped both of you to evolve.

How soulmate relationships help our lives

Once you understand how impactful soulmate relationships can be, it’s easier to see how they can help our lives. Even though soulmate relationships can be painful, they always help us to grow and to evolve. From the soul’s perspective, all of our soulmates are here for our good. From a soul level, they only want to help us to succeed.

However, from a human level, that might not seem as clear. For example, a soulmate could abandon you and that could seem like a hurtful thing. However, from a soul’s perspective, that abandonment might be what you need to realize that you are stronger than you thought you were. From a soul’s perspective that soulmate gave you a great gift, while from your human pespective, the soulmate simply caused you great pain.

When analyzing a soulmate relationship, try to look at it from the persepctive of life lessons. Ask yourself what life lessons you learned from the soulmate experience, and you’ll find it easier to appreciate that soulmate regardless of the circumstances of the interaction.

If a soulmate has hurt you…

If you’ve been in a soulmate relationship that has hurt you and you can’t find the good in it, you might want to go to a third party who can help you to see the broader picture. In this case, a professional psychic may be able to shed light on the purpose of the relationship and help you to figure out if the relationship is truly over or if the two of you have more healing to do. You can chat for free with a psychic here.

So knowing all of that, are you still interested in finding your soulmates? Hopefully you are since soulmate experiences are so powerful and valuable. Eventually you will come in contact with all of your soulmates. However, when we’re distracted by life or closed off in the heart, we may have a hard time recognizing our soulmates when they show up. That’s why those who have been hurt and who shut down often have a harder time opening up to others who can bring warmth and joy into their lives.

One way to make sure our hearts are open so that we can recognize our soulmates is to wear crystals that are helpful to the heart chakra. Here are a few crystals that can make a big difference.

Crystals to help you connect to your soulmates

Rose quartz. This crystal is known for promoting love. It opens up the heart chakra and is often worn by those who are hoping to attract love into their lives. Spending a little time with rose quartz can help to open you up to attracting new people into your life, including soulmates. Some may choose to wear jewelry that has rose quartz. Others might place a cluster of rose quartz in their home where it can influence their energy over time.

Rhodonite. If you’ve been hurt recently, you may not feel like trusting other people again. Maybe you’re afraid you’ll be hurt again. Perhaps you’re still angry and feeling betrayed. If you are experiencing any of these feelings, you could be blocked from embracing someone new. You also might have shut down your feelings entirely so you would be unable to recognize the familiarity that a soulmate would normally bring. Rhodonite is a great crystal to use to help with this. It promotes emotional healing so that you’re able to let down your guard and trust again.

Opal. Some believe that opal can attract love and passion into our lives. It’s typically associated with passionate love so if you’re hoping to attract and connect with soulmates, this might be your thing.

Learning to recognize your soulmates and appreciate those relationships can do wonders in helping you to evolve purposefully throughout your life.

Read: Signs of Soulmate Connection: What to Expect 

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