Why Your Attempt to Talk to a Deceased Loved One Failed

deceased loved one

The gift of mediumship can feel like an abstract topic — until someone you love crosses over. When tragedy strikes and we lose someone who means the world to us, it is natural for us to grasp for ways to continue to communicate with our deceased loved one. 

I’ve met many people who are students of metaphysics and the psychic arts who say their interest in psychic ability was sparked by the death of a loved one. 

While I have always had an interest in metaphysics, I will say that my interest was heightened after my father died and I wanted to know more about what happened to a soul after it left the body.

The other day, I received an email from a reader who recently lost his grandfather. He said he had been trying to communicate with his grandfather in the weeks after his death, but he would become overwhelmed with emotion and nothing would happen. He was frustrated because he missed his grandfather terribly and he wanted to know why he was not able to communicate with him.

Emotion and psychic ability

When I read this reader’s email, boy could I relate. 

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When my father died, I wanted to communicate with him so bad and I couldn’t for months. I would go into meditation thinking maybe he would speak to me. I would visit his gravesite hoping to receive a message from him. I would look for signs such as a drop in temperature or other signals that may indicate a spirit is nearby.

But nothing seemed to work. I was just too emotional and I missed him too much. 

MaryLee Trettenero, an intuitive from Boston, describes how stress and anxiety can block one’s psychic ability. She writes

“Imagine a person who is psychic or trying to develop their psychic intuitive abilities. If they are anxious or surrounded by people who do not support them, who ridicule their eagerness towards developing their intuition, will this beginner ever learn to develop their intuition if they are plagued with anxieties about their abilities? Most likely not.” 

When we are very emotional, our psychic abilities can be blocked. There is a certain level of detachment that needs to occur for us to be able to sense and understand psychic messages. 

Think about how emotions can impact the way you feel about any situation.

  • If you are attending a funeral, you likely notice your sadness more than you might note the joy you feel at seeing other attendees you have not seen in awhile.
  • If you are on a second date with someone you are really excited about, you may feel the thrill of the butterflies in your stomach more than the annoyance caused by the rudeness of the waitress that takes your order.
  • When you are nervous about giving a presentation, you may notice the person looking bored at their phone rather than the person sitting up straight and enthralled.

The same concept holds true with our psychic ability. When our emotions are strong, often all that we notice is that emotion. We miss the small, still voice or the gut feeling that is offering us information that we need. 

Your deceased loved one may not be ready

There is also the possibility that the reason you can’t connect with a deceased loved one who has crossed over has nothing to do with you at all.

Craig Hamilton-Parker, a psychic medium, recommends waiting a few months before trying to communicate with a deceased loved one, writing: The spirit-person needs a little time to adjust and acclimatize to their new world and – perhaps more importantly – YOU also need to adjust to the new situation.

For me, time granted my wish to communicate with my father.

Over time, while I still missed my dad, I didn’t get overwhelmed with emotion whenever I thought of him. 

The first time I was able to communicate with my dad it happened unexpectedly through a dream when I wasn’t trying to make contact. I had given up on trying to communicate with him partially out of frustration and partially out of acceptance of my grief. However, in the process, I left it up to him to reach out and he did.

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